Waaaaah! I can’t take this anymore!

Sometimes during keiko, I just want to claw at my head and scream:

“Waaaaah! I can’t take this anymore!”

Even though my sensei has pointed out the same thing hundreds of times, I keep repeating the exact same mistake over and over… and I start wondering if I’m actually an idiot.

And then, half giving up, going into full reckless mode, I start doing suburi like crazy…

And then… I hear it…

That familiar voice…

The moment I saw Celery senpai’s face, it was like a dam broke, and tears suddenly came pouring out.

Without thinking, I clung to Celery senpai and, sobbing, spilled everything I was feeling.

Then, Celery senpai said this (from here, Celery senpai speaking):

Haru-chan, you’re struggling, huh… There, there (softly petting Haruchan)

Well, yeah… when nothing seems to go right no matter what you try, you start feeling really pathetic, like maybe you’ve become an idiot or something… you lose confidence, right?

But hey, Haru-chan…
Take a moment, calm down, and think about your everyday life… or how you are at work.

Aren’t there actually quite a few things you can do just fine?
And sometimes… maybe even better than others?

Right?
Which means—you’re not an idiot!
So first, relax and realize you’re not nearly as hopeless as you think you are♡

But…
Even though you’re not an idiot…
For some reason, in kendo, you keep repeating the same mistakes again and again…

Well, what I think is this:
The reason you keep repeating incorrect movements in kendo is probably because… there’s a “reason that makes sense to you” behind them.

Hmm… let’s take an example…

Your sensei has told you again and again:
“Strike using your left hand as the lead!”

But you still end up using your right hand, don’t you?

Why do you think that is?

Exactly!

See? You do have your own reason.

In other words, even if you understand the correct movement in your head, at the same time, you also have another argument inside you that feels “logical” to you.

And the reason it feels logical is probably because that movement is something natural to you—something your body has learned over your entire life. Like how a right-handed person naturally holds a spoon in their right hand when eating curry.

So yes, from a kendo perspective it’s incorrect…But for you, it feels comfortable.

Exactly!
So you weren’t an idiot at all—there was a reasonable logic behind your thinking!

And once you understand that, the next step is this:
Figure out why your way doesn’t work.

Because in kendo, you’re facing an opponent—you’re fighting.
So you need to “generate maximum power as efficiently as possible,” right?

Keeping that in mind, try examining your movement based on your “personal reasoning.”

What do you think you’ll find?

Most likely, your usual movement will turn out to be mechanically inefficient and unable to generate the most power.

Right…

If you only prioritize what feels comfortable, your fighting won’t be as efficient as it could be.

So you need to clearly recognize:
“This movement doesn’t work!”

And then firmly reject your “personal reasoning.”

Otherwise, your long-ingrained habits will keep coming out unconsciously.

Alright, Haru-chan, you’re getting close to the goal!

Once you’ve rejected your “personal reasoning,” the next step is to properly understand the correct movement in kendo.

For example:
Why must I use my left hand to move the shinai?
Why must my center of gravity always remain centered?
Why should I use suri-ashi instead of normal walking?

And so on…

Most of these are based on physics or biomechanics designed for fighting.
But they’re often not that complicated—and many will make you go, “Ahh, that makes sense!”

The key thing to remember is this:
Every movement should “generate maximum power efficiently.”

Alright, let’s pause here so your brain doesn’t explode, and review what we’ve learned before moving to the final stage, Haru-chan!

Ok, ok…

So, to summarize:

🌸 Step 1: Haru chan isn’t an idiot…
🌸 Step 2: There’s usually a “good reason” that made sense to Haru chan behind her mistakes…
🌸 Step 3: But that “reason” was incorrect in terms of kendo…
🌸 Step 4: There are clear, logical reasons behind using correct movements for efficient and powerful fighting!

And once you’ve understood all that—
There’s nothing more to say!

🌸 Final Step: Discipline yourself and make the correct movements your own!

Again and again and again and again…Just keep practicing, relentlessly building up your keiko!

Fweeeeeh…!
It feels like a flood of new information just got packed into my brain all at once…

But somehow, my view has cleared, and I feel like I can walk the path to improvement with a completely different mindset now.

Celery senpai!
Thank you, as always, for taking your precious time to help me!

……(silence)

Huh? Again…?

Once again, Celery senpai has disappeared without me noticing…

Always arriving like a gentle breeze, and leaving just as softly…

My beloved Celery senpai is cheering me on!
I’m so happy! So grateful!

And that’s why…I can keep going.

So—with that said,
I’m off to keiko again tomorrow♪