The difficulty of letting go of past success

Wow—five days have passed since I made this blog public to the whole world.
Even though the number of readers is still small, somehow, my blog has started traveling the globe.
So far, the “Kendo Cat Blog” has been visited from all over the world: the United States, Japan, as well as Korea, Taiwan, Norway, Germany, France, Russia, Ireland, Poland, Sweden… and more.

I feel this strange mix of wonder and excitement, and it makes me a little restless every day.

Thinking that people I know, and people I don’t even know from all over the world, might be reading this… honestly, part of me started to feel, “I have to write well!”
No, no, no! I have to just be myself, like always—just like in kendo! Relax my shoulders!

Pretending to have an “immovable mind-Fudoshin,” I’m going to write today’s blog.

So, the other day, Chudan-kun was unusually quiet and serious, standing there with a thoughtful look.
When I asked him what was going on, he said:

Apparently, Chudan-kun has decided to aim for a higher level in his kendo. So he’s taking the “slow and steady” route and going back to the basics, relearning every movement carefully.

He told me he’s reviewing everything from the correct posture/kamae to proper okuri-ashi footwork.

And each time he feels confident he’s done something correctly, he puts a ✅ check mark in his mind’s little list.

But sometimes, he notices that he’s developed bad habits without realizing it—or that he had unconsciously invented his own style of movement.

Chudan kun says:
“I understand it in my head. I know that striking while moving my body faithfully according to the basics must be better. But as you know, Haru-senpai, it’s really hard to fix your own habits.”

Chudan-kun continues (in his own words):

What I’m struggling with right now, or rather, what I’m fighting inside myself, is exactly this:
“The difficulty of letting go of past success.”

Even someone like me, after almost 15 years of practicing kendo, starts to feel like I’ve developed some moves that I’m good at.
When I win a match using those moves, it feels like my kendo is being recognized, and I gain confidence in myself.

But recently, while practicing from the basics again, I realized something.
My so-called “strong moves” were actually slightly off from the proper basic technique.
Not completely wrong, but about 40% of it needs to be corrected… that’s the feeling.

And because I want to reach higher levels, I try to execute my “strong moves” using proper basic movements.
And… I can’t do it.

Probably because my own improvised movements have become so ingrained in my body, just like Haru-senpai said before. When I try to strike correctly from the basics, it feels completely “off.” And if I get a little careless, I immediately fall back into my old, “comfortable” way of doing things.

So the part that troubles me the most is this…

Should I keep going with my comfortable “improvised” style that lets me strike confidently

or

Should I patiently rework my body to follow the proper basic movements…?

I can’t make a decision, and lately, I’ve been frustrated thinking about it nonstop.
I know in my head that I need to retrain myself to follow the basics.
But somehow, my “desires” or “ego” whisper in my ear:
“If you’ve been winning matches and gaining confidence with it so far, why change anything?”

Then another part of me whispers from the other side:
“If you keep avoiding the hard stuff, and let your ego control you by choosing the easy way, you won’t be able to do kendo for your whole life! If you want to continue kendo as long as possible, you have to push through, even if it’s embarrassing!”

I see…Wait, why am I suddenly cast as Chudan-kun’s devil and angel? Shouldn’t we have illustrations of him for that?

I know, right!

I really understand what Chudan-kun is saying.
Letting go of something that has built your confidence is not easy.
And imagining myself striking from the basics, awkwardly and uncomfortably, feels so uncool! I wouldn’t want anyone to see me like that… even though no one is actually watching.

If even I feel that way, then I can only imagine what Chudan-kun is going through—knowing that he could probably score with his old moves in a match, but choosing to stick with the uncomfortable practice anyway… that’s a real mental struggle. Practicing unfamiliar movements could make him lose in actual matches.

Yeah, that’s definitely a tough situation.

But, you know, if I really think about it, I feel like choosing the harder, more challenging path mentally is what helps us level up… at least, that’s what I think.

For example, it’s a bit like this: imagine you see a beautiful mountain and think, “Wow, so pretty!” and you happily climb all the way to the top. But then, right in front of you, you spot another mountain that’s even more beautiful and majestic. What would you do?

Going back down the path you just worked so hard on, and then starting over from the very bottom to climb a different mountain’s peak—that would take a lot of patience, a lot of time, and it would be mentally exhausting, right? But maybe only the people who go through that process can see an even more amazing view than before…

On the other hand, if you just stay at the top of the first mountain you climbed, you can still enjoy a pretty nice view and feel satisfied. So unless you have a really good reason, there’s no need to climb another mountain all over again, right?

So in the end… it really comes down to what kind of mountain you want to reach.
The answer to your worry, Chudan-kun, seems to be here: “what kind of mountain you want to reach” is the same as “what kind of kenshi you want to become.” That’s probably where the answer lies.

Also, about going back down the mountain… I think that process isn’t a waste of time at all.
Going back lets you notice beautiful flowers you missed while rushing up, and simply by making the round trip, your mind and body get stronger.
Where you place your heart and mind changes what you see and feel, I think.

Anyway… wow, Chudan-kun! I need to follow your example and review the basics too.
Luckily, we have some new students recently, so let’s practice together!
So yeah, I’ll be heading to practice again tomorrow♪

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